Sheriff Crabby Pants

This one is for the Sheriff who didn’t stop me from taking pictures by the Metro station, but sure tried to. For the record Officer Crabby Pants: yes, I see that I’m on camera. It’s cool. Yes, I took a picture of a bike rack. No, I am not planning a terror attack. I’m walking over here now to take a picture of a tree. Nope, I’m still not planning a terror attack. Do you want to see my pictures? I’m more than happy to show them to you if you’re worried. Nope? Okay. Yes, I know I’m still on camera over here. It’s still cool. You just keep repeating yourself and I’ll just keep smiling and pretending I don’t understand the deeply insulting insinuations you are making. But now I’m really curious, what kind of terrorist activity involves a big tree and a bike rack? Does the tree explode with enough force to wrench the bike rack from the concrete and somehow destroy or damage a target? Is this the Rube Goldberg school of terrorism??!!? Also, the bike rack and tree were both fairly standard issue. If I was planning something β€œshady” (#pun intended) there are like a bazillion pictures online of trees and bike racks so… Nope, Officer Crabby Pants was just a jackass. He probably came over initially just to make sure I was okay and not receiving instructions from the mothership via the bike rack. (Or something like that, you get the idea.) Which is commendable. πŸ‘πŸ½ But then he stuck around and harassed me. He made disgusting insinuations about my intentions, and repeated them when I refused to engage. πŸ–•πŸ½ I refused to be shamed, but what if it was someone else instead of me? What if the next person he stops from photographing a big, leafy tree with the sun shining through the branches feels embarrassed for drawing attention to themselves, feels ashamed that a member of law enforcement thought they were up to no good, of just feels less inclined overall to stop and enjoy/photograph this beautiful world. If any one of those things happen (and they are a helluva lot more likely than that farcical terror attack I described above) then I submit to you that he’s the potential terrorist, not me.

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